The mind's mind is the voice inside all of us. It is a natural human survivial tool designed to help keep us safe, comfortable and alive. Unfortunately, it is not focused on our potential. It is focused on keeping us the same. When working through active recovery, it's the obstacle that we're trying to overcome. But that son of a bitch is smart. It’s envious really how well the minds mind adapts to current situations and has the ultimate ability to be present.
Ironic, isn’t it, how in addiction one spends so much time, energy and money to “escape”. Escape what? It doesn’t matter for this discussion.
But all the while, that son of a bitch sits, ever present in ever moment, taking stock in what’s happening to build ammunition to get us.
To keep us alive, safe and comfortable.
In the ever increasing irony, addition is neither safe, nor comfortable. And the alive part.. well, that part is clear also.
But yet one can finally say “enough!” And fight back. And the mind’s mind retreats.
But that enemy is never defeated.
He goes into recon mode.
He knows us too well. He stays present, waits and observes, and plans his attack again, this time only better. Smarter.
Smarter in the sense that when he attacks we don’t even see it happening. It’s not quite an ambush - more of an infiltration.
That can be what happens in recovery. Perhaps you've heard of "the pink cloud." Usually around the one year mark where, following the celebration of a tremendous milestone, the chance of relapse actually increases.
The minds mind gets you from within. Maybe you're recovering from opioids and decide to have a drink. (now also it's worth noting that our view of recovery is flexible to the person, total abstinence is not a requirement.)
“As long as I don’t get a bag of dope” becomes a new negotiation tactic on yourself. A way to "reward" yourself - but for what?
S you can weaponize that sentence all you want, but it’s the minds mind speaking. And just like we say “I’m okay” with the thumbs up - we speak it so we believe it.
And I know you believe it. But that sentence becomes wheels for the goalposts. Moving here and there. It's easy to move the goal posts when we loose sight of our motivations, both internal and external. When the goal becomes foggy, it becomes easier to lose aim.
“I can have a couple beers because it doesn’t lead to worse”
But it doesn’t need to.
What happens when the slope gets slippery and steeper, we increase the risk of falling.
That's when complacency creeps in and we get soft.
The minds mind.
We’re trying to be hard. We do hard things. Hard people do hard things.
Noble people do hard things and I believe there's nobility in everyone.
People with integrity do hard things and I believe there's integrity in everyone when they find the proper motivation and purpose.
Your journey is just getting started. But all you can control is just today.
Live in today. Be present. Be clear. Do hard things.
Put your goal posts back where they belong.
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